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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 5, 2014 10:05:09 GMT
Slowly, Alex came round. He had a cracking headache, and the light in the bedroom was just a little too bright to be comfortable. Wait. The bedroom? When the hell did he get here? Last he remembered he was outside, wasn't he? Or, was he? He had no clue any more. Still, there was too much he couldn't remember to even bother to question it, as almost the entire night was a mystery to him now. He'd just have to figure it out later or, uh, maybe never. Yeah, that sounded about right. He rolled over in the bed, a small groan escaping his lips as he realised just how much it ached to even move, and it also just left him feeling slightly nauseous.
Burying his head in a pillow, he lay there in silence for a minute or two before deciding that he probably had to face Hunter because, after all, it was probably Hunter that had brought him home, and was probably waiting for an explanation. "I'm so fucking sorry," he managed to mumble, now clutching at the pillow beneath his head as he tried to figure out what else to say, not quite sure how he could explain how he'd managed to fuck up so much in one night. He couldn't explain why he'd done it, or how he'd managed to let so many people down in one night. Oh well. Once a fuck up, always a fuck up, right?
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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 4, 2014 23:18:13 GMT
Relapse.
It's a part of recovery, right?
Exactly what had happened last night, Alex couldn't actually remember. He'd been a little stressed lately, yes, deciding to keep his life as quiet as possible as he struggled to get over a drug addiction whilst holding down a relationship with Hunter and doing his best to at least try and be a good father to Grace... Not that he'd ever been a spectacular family figure. Hell, Alex had so little regard for family that he'd even killed his own dad, and was still not sure whether he felt guilty about it or not. Besides, it's not like hadn't killed people before - who cared if they were technically blood related? ...Maybe it was better not to answer that question.
Still, Alex had been coping, sort of. He'd managed to hold it together for this long, convinced himself that it was going to be okay for long enough that he'd actually almost made himself believe that it was true. But then it had happened. One single phone call and everything had come crashing down on top of him. He should've been a sensible person about it and just dealt with it, but this was Alex - when did he ever do anything sensible? He slipped straight back to drinking too much and thinking too little, and part of him didn't even regret it.
So there he was, slumped in an alley, only actually a few streets for his house, only clue to the night before being the alcohol that still hung on his breath. What had happened? He had no idea, he just knew he felt way too shit to move, and so wasn't even going to bother. What was the point? He didn't know how to explain this to anyone. If he got home and Hunter was in, how did he explain where he'd been the night before? How did he articulate that he was sorry and that he'd just had a minor slip up without Hunter assuming this was him completely giving up on everything he'd worked for up to now? All he really knew was that thinking about what to do was why too much thinking for the hangover he had, so instead he just let himself slip back to sleep, head crashing against the wall behind him as he just gave up even trying to stay awake anymore.
It was too much.
He'd worry about all that later, tomorrow, if he could even get himself to wake up then.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 23, 2014 18:09:04 GMT
"See Grace, Hunter is so nice to you - he didn't even ask me what I wanted," Alex complained, an obvious joking tone in his voice. "Buuut, I guess I forgive him - kinda have to, don't I?" He stuck his tongue out at Hunter, drumming his fingers lightly against the table as he looked between the pair of them, before finally getting up with a sigh, hands patting his pockets lightly to check he had change. "But seriously, I'm getting cake, which means you're all getting cake, because - uh- cake." Waving at the pair, he made his way over to the counter, leaving the pair to talk.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 23, 2014 18:02:28 GMT
"...If you say so." Alex just grinned at Hunter, knowing that they both knew that Alex loved Hunter just about as much as his capacity to love would let him. Even when he cheated, when he fucked around and messed up and acted well and truly proud of being a dickhead, Hunter was there; Alex hoped he always would be. It was no secret that Alex struggled with loyalty, but, in a messed up way, it worked with Hunter. Hunter was about as loyal as you could get, and for some reason that meant Alex would always come back, even when he'd convinced himself it was the completely wrong thing to do... When he'd only end up hurting him again.
Pulled out of his thoughts by the heavy rain, Alex's smile only widened, eyes lighting up with a certain mischievousness. "I think we'll find a way to pass the time," he quickly reply, winking at Hunter before dipping his head and pressing a long kiss against Hunter's neck, one hand flicking the back of Hunter's underpants playfully. Alex assumed Hunter knew what he meant and, if he didn't, he definitely didn't know Alex that well.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 21, 2014 14:19:47 GMT
"Well, I was actually on my way home," Alex explained, "but I guess being stuck with you guys for a bit wouldn't suck as much as being a lone would." He winked at Hunter, fingers quickly entwining themselves with his as he looked over at Grace, unable to keep from laughing as she tried to keep from laughing too. There wasn't really anything specifically funny, he'd just forgotten how easy it was to hang around with Hunter and Grace when there wasn't so much crazy shit going on.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 21, 2014 14:01:06 GMT
"No-no," Alex corrected, flashing a cheeky grin at Hunter, "you fucking love me, remember?" He kissed Hunter again, running his arm around Hunter's waist, fingers slipping under the fabric of his shirt. As glad as he was that Hunter had practically already chosen him over Logan, he couldn't help but feel at least a little guilty over it all. Technically, a lot of it was Alex's fault. Hunter and Logan would probably still be together if Alex hadn't interfered and, as much as Alex would love to claim that he had absolutely nothing to do with it, he knew most of the blame fell on him.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 20, 2014 21:49:56 GMT
"All you did was fall in love, and that's not your fault," Alex whispered in reply, gaze lifting slowly to watch Hunter's face, biting his lip for a minute as he tried to explain what he meant without just sounding like an idiot. "I mean, you fall hard and you fall fast - you're too scared of being alone that you fall in love easily, but that's not your fault. You can't stop falling in love just because it'll keep someone else happy, okay?" He paused again, already figuring that whatever he would say, Hunter would find some way to twist it so he was the bad person, even when all he'd been was the victim of circumstance. Fingers pulling against Hunter's shirt to pull him closer, Alex pressed a soft kiss against Hunter's cheek before finally adding,"and that's not a bad thing, before you convince yourself it is. It's just what makes you you, and you're pretty fucking perfect to me. I wouldn't want you to be any other way."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 20, 2014 15:04:32 GMT
Alex honestly didn't know why he'd decided to go on a walk. The problem with the Capitol was that, once you'd lived there long enough and seen most of it, everything else looked a little too similar - everything looking more or less the same no matter which street you went down. Today's walk had been no different, and so he'd quickly found himself heading home, trying his best to avoid the main roads just in case he bumped into someone that hated him (which was most people, truth be told). He was heading down a side path only to find himself walking straight into Grace and Hunter, two people he was positive definitely didn't hate him... Maybe. Small smile painting over his lips, he looked between the pair of them, still grinning as he ran his hand through his hair, trying to figure out what to do.
"Hello," he said warmly, sticking his tongue out at Grace in greeting, then proceeding to lean in and brush a kiss against Hunter's cheek, not knowing or caring whether Grace knew they were together again yet or not.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 20, 2014 14:31:23 GMT
Alex didn't know how to reply at first. He wanted to say that nothing was wrong with Hunter, because honestly he didn't think there was (well, in Alex's eyes there was never anything wrong with Hunter, but definitely not in this case). Hunter was acting normally, Alex thought. Maybe Logan was just a rebound? It did seem fairly obvious, even to Logan, that Hunter wasn't actually over Alex, and possibly never would be. It all seemed to work in Alex's favor, not that he would ever admit that to Hunter or Logan... Mainly because it wasn't the first time Alex being a dick had ended with him getting exactly what he wanted. After a small pause, he finally replied, "nothing, Hunter. This - this isn't your fault."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 12, 2014 23:00:23 GMT
"Hunter," Alex replied quietly, finally lifting his head up from Hunter's shoulder to look at him properly, pulling the Hunter in close to him now, almost on the verge of just leaning in and kissing him right there. He wanted to, he really did, but he also didn't want to give Hunter any more reason to worry than he did already. Still, he could try, right? Squeezing Hunter's hands lightly, he bit his lip before finally finishing, "I think he probably already knows - I think he probably already guessed you lied." He offered a nervous smile, trying his best to comfort Hunter even though he had absolutely no idea how anymore. He just wanted to act like they were together again, and he almost was, not that he'd admit it.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 12, 2014 22:20:15 GMT
"Bliss, it's me, when isn't there something even slightly fucked up going on?" Alex replied, flashing another grin before running his hand through his hair nervously, not quite drunk enough to talk about it fully but definitely tipsy enough to make just about the right amount of nonsense. Still, there was an undeniable amount of truth in the words he spoke, thinking back to what had gone on over the past few years. It'd never been quiet, and if it had, Alex had made it noisy again - so used to the constant rush that he couldn't cope when it wasn't. Bliss was just the start of that, all that time ago when he'd cheated on her with Eve (and Myia, but Alex liked to pretend that didn't actually happen).
"Why're you here, anyway?" he quickly followed up, "not that I'm not glad you're here."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 12, 2014 22:05:57 GMT
Alex didn't say anything at first, finding that recently he'd gotten a lot quieter than usual, not quite sure whether he should just let actions speak louder than words or just not do anything. One was a lot easier, he knew, but he didn't really just want to sit there and do nothing - not with Hunter. He had to help, even if he didn't actually know how anymore. Silently, he slipped is hands into Hunter's, squeezing it lightly as he tried to figure out what he meant, the realization clicking quicker than he'd expected. He couldn't do this to Hunter. It was wrong, and yet Alex was too selfish to let him go. Gaze not leaving Hunter, his voice was quiet as he whispered in reply, "...at least you're not lying to yourself."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 12, 2014 21:53:14 GMT
"I feel like that probably sounded less creepy in your head," Alex grinned in reply, neglecting his drink in the favor of Logan now, deciding he was definitely drunk enough to survive the night with Logan now - hell, maybe even get on with the guy (shocking, really). Still, he was starting to get a little bored of the conversation. The formalities and awkward small talk had gone far enough, and he'd decided that they were both definitely drunk enough to talk about slightly more important things without stabbing each other... Or something.
"Y'know, Logan," he began, pausing for a second to take one final swig of his beer, "I am actually sorry for being such an ass - I wasn't exactly taking the breakup well. I don't take losing thing, especially breakups, well at all." He shrugged, pushing the empty glass away from himself as he focused on Logan more, running his hand through his hair. Honestly, he wasn't sure how Logan was going to react, and he didn't wasn't sure how drunk Logan would react.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 12, 2014 21:33:07 GMT
"Just - this," Alex replied quietly, gesturing to himself as he continued to look up at Hunter, biting his lip as he tried to explain better. Alex had never been great at explanations, his words getting tangled before he ever really had chance to speak them, often finding he'd rely on things that didn't make as much sense as he'd like, but still got the job done. Snuggling slightly closer to Hunter (a habit he'd picked up when they were together - a reaction to being nervous), he finally explained properly, trying not to sound like an idiot.
"I'm sorry for us. I'm sorry for whatever the hell happened between Logan and I. I'm sorry for almost ruining your relationship - for all the lying and the cheating and the deceiving." He paused, the words coming out in a rush as he struggled over them, finding it was easy to just gush it all out and get it over with than really concentrate. "I'm sorry you ever had the misfortune of getting involved with me. I've always been toxic - I just always thought that if it came to someone I cared about - I could really do it. I thought love with solve everything, but I guess I just ended up hurting you more, huh?" His gaze dropped to the ground, pulling his arms in close to his chest anxiously. Truthfully, he half expected Hunter to tell him to leave him alone or that it didn't matter, and Alex wouldn't be offended if he did.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 11, 2014 16:47:22 GMT
Alex didn't say anything, just settled down next to Hunter and listened, being careful not to disrupt Hunter as he read just in case he stopped reading and the moment was ruined. He'd missed this - the quiet of the two of them sat there, not really having to communicate as long as the other was there. It was nice, but alex wouldn't admit it. Somehow, Alex had slipped down to rest his head on Hunter's shoulder, occasionally glancing up at him as he spoke.
"I'm really sorry about this, y'know," he murmured quietly, still leant against Hunter.
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