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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 11, 2014 6:55:15 GMT
Alex didn't argue, biting his lip nervously before finally decided to just go along with it, deciding questioning Hunter's logic wasn't always a good idea. Instead, he offered Hunter a shy smile, gaze lifting to look at him instead of the floor. He really want Hunter to leave him alone, knowing that if he did, Alex'd just go back to reading paragraphs many times before remembering it and understand it fast enough to move on, making reading a very slow task. Besides, he liked having Hunter here. It almost felt like old times. "No, it's okay... I'm just going to get confused otherwise.. So.."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 11, 2014 0:00:25 GMT
Alex didn't know how to reply, admittedly a little confused as to why Hunter would even offer to help him. Sure, Hunter was probably the only person that knew Alex struggled with seemingly easy and mundane things like reading or remembering long lists, but that didn't mean he had to try and help him with it. Besides, what would Logan think if he found out? Alex really didn't want to get Hunter into more shit with his new boyfriend. He felt bad enough about that already... He didn't want to cause any more fuss. But, at the same time, he already knew he'd struggle to finish it on his own. He couldn't concentrate long enough. He furrowed his brow slightly anyway, trying to figure out the entire situation. After a pause, he finally asked, "why would you offer to help me?" Honestly, Alex didn't understand it.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 10, 2014 22:00:57 GMT
Alex had his hand up, pointing his finger at Logan as if he was about to say something truly intellectual, leaving it hanging there before just ending up laughing instead, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he dropped his hand again, caught in a very awkward state of drunk where he wasn't actually sure if he was just really happy or really miserable and just choosing to laugh it all off with a mildly insulting statement. His smile faded slightly and he looked intently at Logan, biting his lip as he tried to figure out how to reply, knowing that there were definitely two ways to go about it: lie, or be painfully honest. He chose honesty.
"Hunter did find me, but then so did cancer, and the Jewel's brother accidentally ran into my sword three times, so what can you do?" He spoke with a certain coolness, as if everything he'd said was completely normal for everyone. It was the way he dealt with things usually, acting as if it was normal to say the most awkward of things so people had to either deal with it or leave, that way there were no surprises. Even so, there's a certain glassiness in the way he spoke, a momentary hint that the stuff he was talking about made him feel worse than he'd rather admit. Slowly, his gaze lifted to look Logan directly in the eye, weary smile painting itself onto his lips before he finally added, "how much do you actually know about me, Blake? How much has Hunter actually told you?"
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 10, 2014 21:42:24 GMT
Alex just stood there for a minute, honestly trying to think of something to say, feeling like there were too many things that he'd left unsaid these past few days in all the confusion with Hunter and Logan and his dad. Everything was just so messy, and in truth Alex was struggling to keep it all together... If you could even call how he was 'keeping it together'. He was still alive and not high, so that counted, right? Feeling like he'd left it a little too long without saying something, he scrambled to think of something to say, gaze dropping to the book in his hands.
"I was, uh, trying to remember which one was your favourite but couldn't - I never actually finished it.. So.." Alex shrugged, biting his lip nervously as a small blush threatened his cheeks, slightly embarrassed by the fact he was still caught up about finish that book. He hadn't managed it yet. Most of the time, he started, only to end up reading the same paragraph three times because, even though he understood it, the words managed to muddle in his brain and he just ended up confused.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 10, 2014 20:45:50 GMT
It was a pure coincidence that Alex had ended up at the library at the same time Hunter had. He'd gone there for a distraction, mainly, determined that if he didn't have to think about anything he couldn't feel like shit about anything, and if he didn't feel down he wouldn't feel the need to relapse, right? Something like that, anyway. He'd automatically ended up heading to the library, knowing that a majority of his happy memories were there and that, even if he and Hunter weren't together anymore, he could still remember the times they had together... The best times of Alex's life.
He'd buried himself in one of the corners of the library, letting the fort slip out of his site as he ran his fingers against the spine of one of the books, letting his mind wander until he heard a rustling, finally realising that he wasn't actually alone. How long the other person had been there, he didn't know, neither did he mind. Still, he went to see who it was, slowly standing up and wandering through the library, book still clutched tightly to his chest. It was then that he saw Hunter. He approached slowly, cocking his head slightly.
"Hi," he managed quietly, drumming nervously against the side of the book in his arms.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 9, 2014 19:42:03 GMT
"Ew - Children," Alex replied immediately, gaze dropping to his drink as he nursed it gently, running his finger around the rim of the glass in an attempt to prolong answering Bliss' question for as long as possible. Well, he was going to try and avoid answering it completely, but he had no doubt Bliss would bring it back up again sooner or later if he spent too long dodging it. The truth was, he just really din't want to have to say the words out loud. He'd been living in a drunken denial about the whole thing since the night at Hunter's, deciding that as long as he didn't think about it he hadn't done it.
"What doesn't bring me here?" he asked instead, forcing himself to offer her a cheeky smile, finally taking a swig of the beer in front of him. He was glad to have her here, truly, he just wasn't the best at socializing right now unless he was intoxicated. Who could blame him, really? Besides, the way he saw it, drinking in excess was better than getting high, right? He hoped so, anyway.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 9, 2014 19:19:39 GMT
Alex just chuckled. "'Lost cause'" he repeated, making air quotes with his hands whist had shook his head, still laughing lightly as he turned away from Logan again and nursed his beer instead. "Logan, not only is that the shittest attempt at an insult I've ever heard, but I also feel the need to point out that saying I'm lost implies I was, once, found. I'm sorry to disappoint, but I've never actually a particularly nice guy, so.." Alex shrugged, almost slurring a few times as the alcohol in his system started to take affect. He hadn't actually realised that he'd drank as much as he had so quickly but, then again, he figured being sat next to someone you usually hated tended to have that affect on you. He wasn't complaining, either way; hell, he might actually be enjoying himself.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 9, 2014 18:15:21 GMT
Hunter was greeted with silence. Alex sat there, staring blankly at the man opposite like he expected someone to talk for him - like kids did when they were at the doctors and didn't know how to explain exactly what was wrong so they just sat and stared at the adult in the room, waiting for their mouths to move instead. Only there was no adult to speak for Alex. There wasn't anyone to explain why Alex just didn't want to talk because he didn't have anything to say. He just felt empty, blank, wishing someone would get a sharpie and rewrite him so he wasn't as fucked up and shitty as he felt. As the silence started to drag, Alex slowly realised there wasn't going to be anyone that'd speak for him - he'd just killed one of the only people that still could.
"I - uh -" Alex's rubbed his forehead anxiously, eyes closing tightly as he struggled to remember exactly what actually happened, how it'd ended in the situation where Alex, sound of mind or not, had decided to kill someone. Through the fog, he could vaguely remember yelling and shouting, his muttering something under his breath before taking a swig of some kind of whiskey and shouting some more, spitting venom into his words whilst Alex just begged him to be quiet.
"We were arguing." His head snapped back out of the fog, gaze brushing down to stare at the bag as he fumbled to wipe a tear from his cheek, unaware he was even crying until he was back in the present, silent tears trailing down his cheeks as his body shook. Still drying his eyes with the sleeve of Hunter's hoodie, he dared to look back up at Hunter, head bowed slightly as he stared intently at Hunter's feet, determined that actually looking at Hunter would drag up feelings that both Hunter and Logan would kill him for having. Even so, he couldn't help asking, "why do you care, anyway? You made it fairly clear where we stand last time. I'm your second choice, and your first clearly doesn't want me here..."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 8, 2014 7:10:44 GMT
However well Alex had been doing at not frequenting bars and clubs anymore since the Logan incident, it was all washed away now. The death (or murder, depending on how you really wanted to think about it) of his dad had pulled away any hopes he had of stopping the excessive consumption of alcohol, plunging him straight back into the routine of drinking too much at a bar and then struggling to remember it all the next morning. It wasn't exactly pretty, but it sure as hell was a fun distraction. He was just about adjusting to not thinking and just drinking when he heard someone slip into the seat next to him, welcome smile pulling at the edges of his lips as he recognized the voice. Bliss.
"I would love some company," he turned to look at her, almost tempted to stand up and give her a hug, even if things had ended badly last time. Honestly, he didn't care as long as she didn't either, and neither of them seemed to be in the right state of mind to complain about their choice of company. Maybe this'd be helpful to them both? Alex sure hoped so. "What brings you down here, anyway? Thought you liked getting wasted with Jennifer, because that sounds like great fun." There was an undeniable hint of sarcasm in his last sentence and hoped Bliss didn't mind - it wasn't exactly a secret that he and Jennifer didn't get along.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 7, 2014 16:42:09 GMT
Alex just did as he was told, dumping all his stuff into the bin bag and following Hunter, clutching the bin bag close to his chest as if it would somehow protect him from whatever the hell was oh to get him no - no doubt it'd be someone. Maybe he'd get tortured in the Nut again, or maybe the Capitol would find his body and just decide he wasn't important enough to avenge... It wasn't likely.
Numbly following Hunter to the living room, he took a seat opposite him and pulled his bin bag even closer, shaking fingers pulling at the plastic. He still didn't really want to talk about it, stomach already twisting itself into knots over the mere thought of even talking about, even though he already knew that he would have to at some point. He just didn't want to think, at all. Talking required thinking. He knew he had too, and so he tried, staring down at the stuff in his hands before swallowing the lump in his throat and murmuring, "I chopped his head off."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 7, 2014 9:30:48 GMT
To be perfectly honest, Alex wasn't entirely sure if he'd actually spent more time trying figure out how the shower worked or actually just showering. Even when he did, he literally stood there, the water pouring down his face as he struggled to piece together the night from start to finish. There were still bits of the night that were just complete blanks, a mess of arguing that turned to fighting that turned to murder, or manslaughter... Or something. He struggled to bring his head to reality for long enough to actually wash the blood off his hands, water stinging against open wounds.
It didn't take long for Alex to just give up and turn the shower off, covering himself with a clean towel and picking his clothes up off the floor, careful not to forget the ax he'd dragged into the bathroom with him. He didn't want Lily or anyone to find it, anyway. Wandering out of the bathroom and into the nearest bedroom, hanging by the door as he tried to figure out what to say, watching as he lay on the bed. He didn't need to ask what was wrong, he had a feeling he already knew.
"I really fucked this up for you, didn't I?" He asked quietly, pulling the bloodied clothes closer to him nervously. "I, uh, I think I might be able to fix it, if you let me talk to him?"
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 7, 2014 0:43:41 GMT
More staring, that was literally all Alex managed to do. For the third time that night, Alex found his tongue too tied to talk, resulting in just a blank stare in response to Logan's words, not even filled with a feeling of bitterness or anger that would usually grip him whenever he saw Logan's annoyingly happy face. Seriously. No one smiled that much - it was weird. Soon the muteness just made the situation almost desperately awkward, and so, for the third time that night, Alex found a way to speak. Sure, he didn't make much sense, and his voice was so quiet that it could barely be heard over Logan's obnoxiously loud breathing (Alex put it down to the oddly shaped nostrils, but that was a conversation for another day).
"I - I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't want to go home." That was it, that was all Logan would get for a reply surrounding why Alex was there. Honestly, Alex himself didn't actually know what to say, knowing that 'I think I just murdered my dad,' would get him thrown out by Logan even faster than bringing up the other night. Alex wasn't stupid, really. Nervously, Alex's grip on the ax tightened slightly, not because he was going to use it, but purely just so he knew it was still there - a weird form of comfort blanket, if you will. He didn't even bother to explain that the reality was that he didn't want to go home was because he didn't actually want to be alone, terrified of being left with a state of mind in ruins and a sharp object. He was literally starting to crumble within is own head, not that he expected Logan to understand.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 7, 2014 0:19:23 GMT
Alex couldn't even find the energy to smile, never mind thank Hunter, every muscle in his body aching as he fumbled through the house, trying to make it look like he wasn't actually relying on the wall next to him to keep him standing upright. He just about found his way upstairs anyway, fingers brushing against the wallpaper as he tried his hardest to remember the directions Hunter had given him, despite the fact the only thing his brain was good at right now was failing him. He'd only just made it up the stairs when he was faced with yet another problem - Logan. Alex had almost walked straight into him, not really thinking about where he was going, just trying to numbly follow the directions he was given. Still, he knew he had to say something, not liking the idea of leaving words unspoken between the pair of them. Besides, the guy really didn't look happy, and Alex really didn't want to get kicked out just because he'd been a dick to the poor idiot.
"Bathroom?" Alex inquired quietly, shrinking into himself slightly before quickly adding, "please. I - uh - I'm sorry." He didn't even bother to flash his signature smile and refer to the guy as Logna, a name he'd given the man whilst drunk and stumbling over his words. All his energy had left him, and he really couldn't be bothered arguing. All he really wanted to do was sleep - he wasn't even bothered if he woke up - but he knew that it wasn't possible. He had explaining to do and, no matter how numb he felt, Logan was just another person he'd have to try and convince to not give up on him.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 6, 2014 23:54:53 GMT
Yet again, Alex was struck by silence, staring intently at Hunter as if he should just know already, even if Alex wasn't actually sure himself. He just ended up shaking his head, muttering something to himself about everything being all wrong, the gravity of the situation slowly hitting him as tears pricked at his eyes, voice still too terrified to talk about what had happened, of who was dead, just because then it'd be out in the real world, and Alex couldn't pretend it was all in his head anymore. It felt almost safe to keep it in his head, just like usual, but there were times when even Alex couldn't hold everything in and away from people, and it was times like this where his emotions spilled over the top. Still, some sort of false confidence must have gripped him then, because of suddenly rediscovered how to speak yet again, muttering the words, "dad's dead. I killed him."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 6, 2014 23:40:14 GMT
Alex didn't reply at first, rendered mute by his own actions as he struggled to understand them himself, replaying the only clips of the evening he had over and over in his head, his own personal brand of torture. His gaze slowly brushed up from staring at his shoes to looking at Hunter, lips parted slightly as he breathed slowly, chest heaving, every breath he took hurting a little more than the last. A small graze ran across his cheek, just under his eye, and it was already clear that a light bruise would probably form there over the next few days. He opened his mouth slightly wider to speak, but still not a sound came out. It was only when he lifted his gaze to Hunter's face, the guilt of dragging Hunter back into his fucked up life threatening to eat him before he finally stumbled over the words, voice almost sounding like a whimper as he murmured, "he's dead."
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