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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 6, 2014 23:18:50 GMT
It was all a blur, the past hour or so - a big, long, fuzzy mess of bottled up emotions and confusion. What exactly had happened, Alex wasn't entirely sure, mind about as muddied with delirium as his clothes were stained with a deep red colour, splatters of blood painting his once white shirt with various different spots and stripes. He looked like he'd just been a test subject for some poor special effects student that had gotten a little too excited with a red liquid - hell, even his arms were dotted with the stuff. The worst part? Most of it wasn't even his own, it was his dad's. In fact, that was the only thing Alex was clear on about the night.
He'd killed his father. Anderson Black was dead.
Somehow, despite having a mind dirtied with fog, his feet had still managed to keep him moving, rolled up sleeves not only revealing various cuts and bruises up his arms, but also the ax he'd been clutching for the duration of the evening, white knuckles gripping the old wooden handle like it was the only thing keeping him alive. In some ways, it was. The fight hadn't exactly been one sided. Slowly, tired feet brought him to the doors of a house. He needed help, so he'd gone to the only place where he was sure the person wouldn't turn him out straight away, the only place where he was sure the person wouldn't decide to turn him in out of pure fear. No, he'd gone to Hunter. Pale knuckles wrapped against the door gently, too emotionally paralyzed to really to think about anything, nevermind what he'd do if Hunter didn't answer.
He needed help, and he had nowhere else to go.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 6, 2014 22:23:15 GMT
"Being a class A dick - jeez, I didn't actually know it was possible to be as stupid as you are... Even if you do seem to have had four pints too many, right buddy?" Alex knocked Logan's elbow playfully, flashing the guy a teasing grin before taking another sip of his drink, not even giving the familiar bitter taste a chance to hit the back of this throat before he'd swallowed. Too many months of drugs and alcohol had practically made Alex a veteran at drinking, but that didn't mean he couldn't drink fast enough to still get drunk.. Probably. Laughing lightly to himself, he looked back over at Logan, pausing before finally adding, "if you really want to know what I have a reputation for, just ask Hunter... It's not like he broke up with me for it or anything. It's his own fault when you think about it though. I mean, who the hell dates someone with the nickname manslut?"
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 5, 2014 23:41:57 GMT
"You're not - it's complicated," Alex explained, or, at least, tried to. He'd explain later, he decided, if Ryan and he even actually ended up having a proper conversation again after last time's revelation that he was, in fact, homophobic. Alex was determined that he didn't really think that way, obviously, but the kid seemed very impressionable - so impressionable that Alex was sure he could probably persuade him that the earth was flat if he really wanted to. He was fairly sure that if he and Ryan had met when they were younger, it was almost certain Alex probably would've bullied him relentlessly.
"This is Ryan," Alex added quickly, this time explaining to Hunter rather than Ryan, "he saved my life so I fucked him and then he decided he was going to be horribly homophobic, so what can you do?" He shrugged lightly, a clear joking tone in his voice, even though everything he'd just said was true. Still, it was kind of funny to think about it all, on recollection. After a pause to look between the pair of them, Alex continued to talk to Hunter, his gaze slowly drifting back to Ryan in the process, "it's okay though, he'll come round." Throwing a cheeky wink in Ryan's direction, Alex shoved his hands in the back pockets of his jeans, rocking lightly on the balls of his feet.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 5, 2014 21:02:44 GMT
Alex just sighed, taking a step back so Hunter could see him from the clearing if he really wanted to, trying to get Ryan to follow his lead so that Hunter could tell that it wasn't Ryan and that he wasn't about to be killed for cheating. Running his hand through his hair, he bothered to flash a cheeky smile at Ryan before finally breaking the silence that had built up after Ryan had spoken. "You know, watching two guys together doesn't diffuse the idea that you are, uh, gay."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 5, 2014 20:44:41 GMT
"Yeah, well, you deserved it," Alex replied, quickly finishing his drink and signalling for another. He wasn't exactly a lightweight, and it was clear to see that Logan was clearly already very wasted, which only meant that Alex would just have to drink a lot faster if he wanted any chance to catch up with Logan's level of drunkness. He took a second to reply properly, still trying to train himself to not just register everything that Logan was saying as a low buzzing sound rather than actual words. "And, just for the record, I'm being nice to you because, believe it or not, I'm actually a nice person... On occasion, obviously," he paused to take another sip of his drink before finally finishing, "besides, I have a reputation to keep up." He even dared to wink then, figuring Logan was probably way too drunk to even think anything about it.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 5, 2014 20:03:51 GMT
Alex's gaze dropped from the bushes back to Hunter, having already concluded that if he was worried about Logan turning up, Hunter most definitely was too. Running his thumb over Hunter's cheek gently, he dared to press a kiss to lips, doing his best to calm his nerves. It probably wouldn't help, he knew that, but for some reason it just felt right. "Don't worry, alright? If it was him, he'd have felt the need to interrupt already - you know how much he hates me." He grinned, slowly pulling away from Hunter to stand up, determined to figure out exactly who it was that'd been hiding. It must be someone they knew, or they wouldn't have stayed to watch, right? Whoever it was, staying to watch was pretty sick, right? Moving over to where the noise was, he honestly wasn't surprised to find Ryan sat behind a bush. He didn't know how to react at first, honestly not sure why he was even there. "Ryan, what the fuck are you doing here?" was all he managed to say, brow furrowing slightly with confusion.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 5, 2014 18:50:07 GMT
"I, uh-" Alex began, but was cut off by the movement of something in the trees, the rustling of leaves suggesting that they weren't alone. Fuck. He lifted his head quickly, gaze brushing the trees as he attempted to figure out exactly who was watching them. It couldn't be Logan. It couldn't. If it was, they were both dead. Well, Hunter was, anyway, Logan already hated his guts - wasn't much Alex really had to lose if Logan turned up. He put his finger over Hunter's lips gently, not even realising he was doing it until he glanced back down at Hunter, quietly whispering to him, "I don't think we're alone." Looking up at the bushes again, he called out, "Hello?"
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 4, 2014 23:45:36 GMT
Alex just sighed, shaking his head as he pulled away from Hunter slightly, biting his lip before replying slowly,"I don't want that. Sure, someone might one day love me for everything I am, but that just means that I'm going to hurt them too, just like I did to you, and Jewel, and Bliss, and everyone else that I screwed over. I don't want anyone to love me, because as soon as they do that they're going to be hurt by me, and I can't do that. I'm fucking sick of being the reason for everyone's problems." He shook his head again, watching Hunter intently as if he expected the guy have some sort of rebuttal to his words, just like always. He hoped he did, anyway - he'd missed this. He'd missed Hunter.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 4, 2014 23:30:49 GMT
"Yeah, I, uh, I know. And I'm glad, really. I mean, Logan won't break your heart, he won't cheat on you and he definitely won't ever come to you and tell you he killed someone because, to be honest, the guy looks like he'd probably cry if someone even gave him a weapon, so... In all seriousness though, he won't fuck you up, and he won't screw with you half as much as I did, so I guess I have to at least pretend that I'm okay with you moving on and being with someone that will actually make you happy... Even if it kills me in the process." Shrugging slightly, Alex forced a weak smile for Hunter, knowing that half the things he'd said were killing him already, even if they were true. Alex would only ever be bad news for Hunter, toxic, even. But then again, he doubted he'd ever be anything more than that for anyone else either.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 4, 2014 22:59:48 GMT
Alex's eyes opened again quickly as he felt Hunter's head move, following his gaze over to the direction of the trees out in front of them, feeling like he recognised the figure before it disappeared behind a tree. Honestly, Alex wasn't actually to fussed who it was, having already figured it probably wasn't Logan and, since he was technically the only one being betrayed right now, it's not like the mystery person could possibly end up upset, right? Slowly, he leaned slightly closer to Hunter again, knowing that this was possibly his last chance to ever say anything to Hunter before he swore it'd never happen again, and this time meant to.
"Hunter?" he asked quietly, trying to pull his attention back for a minute or two, "I do really fucking love you, y'know? More than Eric, and more than Jewel and more than Emily. I'll always fucking love you, even when you realise that you actually want nothing to do with me because you're actually happy with someone else. I just, uh, I wanted you to know." He offered Hunter a shy smile before looking away again, slight blush painting his cheeks.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 4, 2014 22:21:41 GMT
Honestly, Alex had no idea how to respond, automatic instinct kissing Hunter back, easily slipping back to the way they used to be, where everything was easy (well, easier), and made some sort of sense, unlike now, which was just really messy. Hunter was now technically cheating on Logan, with Alex.. It made a nice change from Logan cheating on Hunter with Alex, but Alex knew better than to bring that up in conversation. Either way, he was fucked... And so was Hunter (and Logan, but Alex didn't really care about that bit). Still, Alex eventually pulled away from the kiss, admittedly feeling a little guilty for wishing he'd kiss him again, despite the fact Logan was still a thing.
"Why the hell do you do this to me?" Alex whispered eventually, eyes closing slowly as he rested his forehead against Hunter's, hand somehow managing to find Hunter's again whilst they were kissing. It was wrong, and Hunter and Logan didn't deserve to have Alex interfere the way he had with the pair of them, but it seemed to have happened anyway. "Why'd you let me pretend I was over it just to prove I'm not?"
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 4, 2014 21:53:55 GMT
"Please, don't give me that shit," Alex replied quietly, shaking his head and looking away from Hunter, only to find his gaze automatically found his way back to him in the end. "Don't tell me that you love me, or that you care, or any of that crap that you used to tell me to try and make me feel better, because it doesn't work anymore, alright? You can't tell me you love me when you clearly love Logan, you can't pretend to care when you haven't even been here whilst everything around me crashes and burns, okay? You can't tell me that it kills you to see me like this, when this isn't even the worst I've been lately, not that I'd expect you to know or care." He paused, his voice starting to crack so heavily that he stopped talking, practically choking on the lump in his throat. Shaking his head again, he sniffed, taking a minute to wipe more tears away from his face before finally trying to bring himself to finish.
"So please, don't give me that shit about you loving me or caring about me, because it's not true, and when I die - whether it's because I OD'd, or because I happened to sleep with the wrong guy's girlfriend, or, hell, maybe it's because I tried drowning in silva creek again - whatever it is, no one's going to care, because no one cares about the cheating, sadistic murderer with a slight drug problem, okay? Not even you."
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 4, 2014 19:44:40 GMT
He didn't move at first, managing to twist all his thoughts into knots within the few minutes he was left with his own head. He didn't even realise Hunter had even said anything for a while, the voices in his head running loose and overpowering whatever the hell Hunter was saying. It eventually clicked, however, and Alex turned his head to look at Hunter, eyes stained red with tears. He wanted to say something, but he'd lost his voice since his last confession, biting his lip as he struggled to not be mute, to actually find the strength to say something. Instead, he just swallowed, slowly lifting his gaze back up to Hunter's eyes.
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 4, 2014 19:20:04 GMT
"Dude," Alex replied slowly, pausing to take a long sip of his drink before continuing, "you honestly think I look like the kind of guy to give the 'your life is perfect' speech?" he raised a curious eyebrow at Logan, not giving him much time to reply before quickly continuing, "I once told my sister that and she threw at my head - so yeah, I think I know better than to ever dare question people's happiness. Besides, even when my life is good, which, believe it or not, does happen on occasions, I still feel like shit... So..." Trailing off, he dared to catch the bartender's eye again, this time signalling for another drink for Logan, grin widening slightly.
"Anyway, I feel like we wouldn't get on half as well as we are now if you were happy, right? I mean, misery love company - and alcohol - so drink up." He stuck his tongue out at Logan play fully, taking a long swig of his beer, tack quickly changing from staying as sober as long as possible to getting drunk as fast as possible, deciding it would be a lot more fun to put up with the pessimist next to him whist intoxicated. Hell, maybe the pair would end up actually getting on, who knew?
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Post by Alex Porter on Jul 4, 2014 19:01:10 GMT
Alex didn't reply at first, caught off guard by the fact that Hunter had turned to look at him now too, catching his gaze for a minute and freezing - like a deer caught in headlights - before finally glancing away, doing anything to look away from Hunter's face. He couldn't look into Hunter's eyes without knowing that he'd caused all the hurt that he could see in them. It was only when he looked away that he even found the strength to speak, knowing that whatever explanation he gave wouldn't be good enough.
"I thought I loved him," he whispered, "I thought that he'd give me a distraction. You don't understand - I wouldn't expect you to and I definitely wouldn't want you to. I was ready to die, Hunter, I didn't want to live anymore when all I had left was you and Jewel. I didn't want to live a life where I felt wrong and disconnected from everyone, a life where all I could think about was the fact that I probably should be dead, but some fancy Capitol chemical ran through my veins and stopped tumors from growing and kept my heart beating, alright? Jewel already hated me, and I assumed you would too soon enough, so what was the point?" He pulled away then, dropping Hunter's hand and turning away from the warm body, rolling so his stomach was against the grass and his head was resting on his hands, hiding the onslaught of tears from possibly the only guy that had ever seen him like this before. Hunter didn't need this now. Hunter never needed this. Finally, after a muffled sob wracked through Alex's body, he finally finished, "I could never love him, Hunter. I couldn't love a ghost." There was another pause as Alex took another shaky breath, readying himself for one final sentence:
"I just thought that - that if I did what I did, you'd leave, and then there'd be no one left to care if I put a bullet through my brain."
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