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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 4, 2014 23:18:13 GMT
Relapse.
It's a part of recovery, right?
Exactly what had happened last night, Alex couldn't actually remember. He'd been a little stressed lately, yes, deciding to keep his life as quiet as possible as he struggled to get over a drug addiction whilst holding down a relationship with Hunter and doing his best to at least try and be a good father to Grace... Not that he'd ever been a spectacular family figure. Hell, Alex had so little regard for family that he'd even killed his own dad, and was still not sure whether he felt guilty about it or not. Besides, it's not like hadn't killed people before - who cared if they were technically blood related? ...Maybe it was better not to answer that question.
Still, Alex had been coping, sort of. He'd managed to hold it together for this long, convinced himself that it was going to be okay for long enough that he'd actually almost made himself believe that it was true. But then it had happened. One single phone call and everything had come crashing down on top of him. He should've been a sensible person about it and just dealt with it, but this was Alex - when did he ever do anything sensible? He slipped straight back to drinking too much and thinking too little, and part of him didn't even regret it.
So there he was, slumped in an alley, only actually a few streets for his house, only clue to the night before being the alcohol that still hung on his breath. What had happened? He had no idea, he just knew he felt way too shit to move, and so wasn't even going to bother. What was the point? He didn't know how to explain this to anyone. If he got home and Hunter was in, how did he explain where he'd been the night before? How did he articulate that he was sorry and that he'd just had a minor slip up without Hunter assuming this was him completely giving up on everything he'd worked for up to now? All he really knew was that thinking about what to do was why too much thinking for the hangover he had, so instead he just let himself slip back to sleep, head crashing against the wall behind him as he just gave up even trying to stay awake anymore.
It was too much.
He'd worry about all that later, tomorrow, if he could even get himself to wake up then.
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Post by Hunter Hanson on Oct 4, 2014 23:29:56 GMT
Hunter was taking his short cut to work having Nessa and Hayden watch the girls while he went to work. He was worried about Alex, he didn't come home last night. He went to the alley and saw a famaliar face. He ran up to the person, it was Alex."Alex?!" It seemed like he was sleeping so Hunter didn't panic too much but still a lot. He could smell the smell of alcohol and drugs and him and stopped himself fro crying,, he coldn't be happy could he?
He picked up Alex and carried him home since it wasn't that far from the house. He texted his boss and was grateful for the fact that Grace and Lily were at Hayden's house he laid Alex on the bed and decided to wait for him to wake up. He looked at the wall in front of him and willed himself to stop crying he jsut felt so frustrated.
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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 5, 2014 10:05:09 GMT
Slowly, Alex came round. He had a cracking headache, and the light in the bedroom was just a little too bright to be comfortable. Wait. The bedroom? When the hell did he get here? Last he remembered he was outside, wasn't he? Or, was he? He had no clue any more. Still, there was too much he couldn't remember to even bother to question it, as almost the entire night was a mystery to him now. He'd just have to figure it out later or, uh, maybe never. Yeah, that sounded about right. He rolled over in the bed, a small groan escaping his lips as he realised just how much it ached to even move, and it also just left him feeling slightly nauseous.
Burying his head in a pillow, he lay there in silence for a minute or two before deciding that he probably had to face Hunter because, after all, it was probably Hunter that had brought him home, and was probably waiting for an explanation. "I'm so fucking sorry," he managed to mumble, now clutching at the pillow beneath his head as he tried to figure out what else to say, not quite sure how he could explain how he'd managed to fuck up so much in one night. He couldn't explain why he'd done it, or how he'd managed to let so many people down in one night. Oh well. Once a fuck up, always a fuck up, right?
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Post by Hunter Hanson on Oct 5, 2014 11:47:45 GMT
Hunter was beginning to feel more worried that Alex wouldn't wake up so he kept himself busy and got Alex aspirin from the medicine cabinet and a glass of water. He brought it up stairs and just sat on the bed again. He decided to read and hoped that would ease his mind...it didnt. The only highlight was he managed to not have a panic attack no matter how close he was to having one.
He heard Alex begin to move and heard a low groan. "It's-it's okay." Hunter said quietly. Was it okay? Hunter really didnt know. "There's some aspirin and water for you by the bed." Hunter said quietly again he put his book down and just looked down at the bed sheets.
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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 5, 2014 22:08:47 GMT
"Thanks," Alex replied meekly, taking the tablet dry and then sipping at the water, honestly not sure if he was going to be able to keep either of them down. He felt sick to his stomach, literally. His head felt sober, but for some reason his body still felt a little drunk, and he honestly wasn't sure if he was going to be able to even stand up without falling over, even if he was fairly sure he was very sound of mind.... Well, he was as sound of mind as he ever really got. Sinking back into the bed again, he dared to look back over at Hunter, quickly concluding that the nausea in the pit of his stomach could actually just be guilt over what he'd done - the hell he'd probably put Hunter through all of last night. How was he not more pissed off? Maybe he was, but didn't want to freak Alex out too much, he honestly couldn't tell.
"I - uh - I don't even remember what happened last night, Hunter. I'm so fucking sorry."
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Post by Hunter Hanson on Oct 5, 2014 22:16:59 GMT
"It's-it's" Hunter couldn't get the words out because last night was horrible, he was afraid they took Alex like they took Jewel. "Jewel is missing and I was gonna tell you last night." Hutner said quietly tears rushing down his face no matter how much he wanted them to stop. "And I was just....I was afraid that you were going to be too.: Hutner said barely getting his words out. He stared at the blanket finding that easier to look out than to look at Alex while crying and showing him how much of a wimp he was which was something Hunter always hated doing.
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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 5, 2014 23:33:11 GMT
Wait. What? Jewel was missing? That couldn't be right, could it? Things like that didn't happen to Jewel - she was the one that, out of all of them, managed to keep her shit together for long enough to avoid that happening. She was never the useless one that needed saving, ever. So how had she been captured in the first place? It all made no sense, and so Alex just stared blankly at Hunter for a minute, honestly unable to process what was going on, before it finally sank in. Jewel was missing. Hunter was crying. If it had been anyone but Jewel that had gone missing, it would practically be business as usual.
"I-" he cut himself off, realising he was about to apologise yet again for last night, and figuring that if Hunter was pissed at him, he would've shown it by now. It seemed like he had just been worried, and with good reason too, as even Alex couldn't tell you his whereabouts last night, as he honestly didn't know. So who did know? What the hell did he actually do last night? Tentatively, Alex crawled out of the bed, deciding that he didn't care if he had a cracking headache and is ached to even move, as Hunter was getting a hug anyway. Sitting next to him on the bed, he wrapped his arms around him, one hand automatically running gently through Hunter's hair as he tried to think of something, anything that would help. "She'll be okay, and so will I," is what he settled on eventually, knowing it probably didn't help at all, just being at a loss as to what else he could say.
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Post by Hunter Hanson on Oct 5, 2014 23:38:06 GMT
"But what if she's not what if she never comes back." Hunter asked he hadn't shown anybody hsi emotion about it because he couldn't break around the kids and he couldn't go o James. "I'm tired of losing people."Hunter said quietly. He laid his head on Alex's shoulder naturally. He was so scared lately, he didn't even like Grace and Lily not being next to him every five seconds. H edidn't even know how to get her back and that killed him.
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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 6, 2014 0:01:41 GMT
"She will," Alex promised, "she always does." Admittedly, it was a promise he couldn't actually keep, as he had no idea whether Jewel would turn up again or not, but he was fairly positive it wouldn't be long until she did. After all, she wasn't exactly a weak or stupid person - she'd find a way to return, even if she was pretty battered when she did. Silently, he pressed a kiss against the top of Hunter's head, gently stroking his back as he tried to figure out what else to say, knowing that what he was doing now clearly wasn't enough, even if it was understandable that this wasn't the only thing on his mind right now. He still felt groggy, and it was only when he'd hugged Hunter that he'd actually noticed he had grazes and bruises across his knuckles from the night before, probably from hitting something, or maybe even someone. But who/what? Alex had no clue.
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Post by Hunter Hanson on Oct 6, 2014 0:07:46 GMT
Hunter looked over at Alex. "But you can't promise that you don't know that."Hunter said quietly. He wiped at his eyes and then tried to think of what to say. "Where did you go last night?"HUnter asked quietly. He pursed his lips and wasn't sure what Alex would say. He was afraid to tell Alex that he also relasped last ngith he wasn't sure what Alex would say. He decided he'd wait to tell him.
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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 6, 2014 10:11:01 GMT
"No, I don't know that, but I know Jewel," Alex insisted, biting his lip as he tried to figure out exactly how he was going to make it through this conversation when all he really wanted to do was sit a figure out what the hell had gone on, but luckily Hunter changed the topic for him anyway, somehow managing to ask a question Alex had no idea what the answer to was. Where was he? He didn't know. He could remember getting a phone call, and that the phone call had been distressing somehow, because the first thing he'd done was get some alcohol, and then the rest of the night was just blank, the only clues he had to what had happened being the grazes on his knuckles, which he hoped more than anything were from something stupid like falling over and hitting a wall by accident. He doubted that was what actually happened, but he could hope, right? Instead of answering Hunter's question, Alex just pulled away slowly, shaking his head as he stood up and walked to the bathroom, muttering something about needing to shower.
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Post by Hunter Hanson on Oct 6, 2014 11:21:53 GMT
"Alex come back." Hunter said quietly. He looked over at Alex his eyes filled with tears. "You - you shouldn't be upset about relapsing or feel bad or whatever because-" Hunter didn't finish feeling ashamed of himself it had been months. "I relasped too." Hunter said quietly.
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Post by Alex Porter on Oct 9, 2014 17:16:06 GMT
Alex paused in the doorway, fingers gripping the door from tightly as he struggled to comprehend what Hunter had just said. He'd relapsed with what? Hunter didn't do drugs. Hell, with the exception of weed, Alex was fairly sure he'd never even- And that's when he remembered. Jesus, how could he be so stupid, so ignorant? How had he been so wrapped up in his own problems to completely forget about Hunter's? Sometimes he was such a shit boyfriend, it was hard to believe Hunter would've ever picked him over Logan. Finally turning around to face the bedroom again, he thought for a moment, not quite sure what to say or how to react, just knowing he should be doing way more than he should.
Eventually, he walked back over to Hunter, wrapping his arms around his waist as he sat back on the bed, instinctively pulling Hunter closer to him. He still wasn't sure what to say, so he just pressed a long kiss to Hunter's lips, honestly just stalling to find time to find something, anything, to say. "It's okay," he breathed, taking a minute to just watch Hunter carefully, one hand lifting to stroke his cheek gently as he added, "and relapse is a part of recovery, right? Just because you've relapsed doesn't mean anything, I just means that you didn't cope for a night, and that's okay, because everyone has those nights." He wasn't sure if he'd actually made any sense or not, he just knew that he had to say something and, well, that was what had come out. Oh well, he was trying, right?
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Post by Hunter Hanson on Oct 9, 2014 17:21:47 GMT
"But that means that you shouldn't feel bad either. " Hunter said quietly. He wishes he wouldn't cry as easily as he did because he hated it. He wanted to stop crying. He buried his face in alex's shoulder like he always did. He wanted to say sorry but then that would go against what he had just told alex. He wanted to tell Alex he was sorry he relasped that he really was trying but couldn't not after what he just told alex.
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Post by Alex Porter on Nov 15, 2014 23:27:33 GMT
Alex bit back a rebuttal, knowing that however he tried to explain why he felt like his was different, Hunter would find a way to flip it on it's head so it was okay. It was just that, the way Alex saw it, the only person Hunter physically hurt was himself, but whenever Alex relapsed, the total blank of the night before only left him wondering exactly what went on and, if the grazes on his knuckles were anything to go by, there'd been someone else involved last night (either that or, somewhere in the Capitol, there was a slightly damaged wall). Alex doubted it was the second. Finally swallowing his words, he replied, "I know, I just - I can't escape the feeling I've really fucked up, and I don't even know how because all I can remember is throwing my phone at a wall whilst pissed... Everything else is just a mess." He shook his head slightly as one hand began to run his fingers through Hunter's hair, something he'd taken to doing a long time ago and never really stopped.
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