Alyssa
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Jun 23, 2015 19:32:54 GMT
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Post by Vanessa Ray on May 3, 2015 1:50:06 GMT
It had been months since Nessa had miscarried, but the sting of losing the one thing that she never thought she would want was still very much present. The girl who never thought she would ever be a mother had become pregnant, and at the time it had seemed like a curse. But over the weeks that she carried the child in her stomach, the thought of being a mother grew on her until she had become so fixated on the idea that she could hardly think of anything else other than the baby. When she woke up one morning to find her sheets stained red, she was devastated. Nessa had dealt with many challenges in her life, but this was one that she was unsure if she would ever conquer.
She shut herself up in her room most days, refusing to come out unless it was to use the bathroom or occasionally to eat, not that she was doing much of that either. It was a bad way to deal with things, but it was all Nessa had ever known to do. The girl never had anyone who wanted to help her before now, so she was used to dealing with hardship on her own. In her selfishness, it never occurred to her that Hayden was hurting too. Even if the thought had crossed her mind, she would have simply thrown it aside. Hayden never wanted the baby. He already had a child of his own, and he was struggling to keep just her safe. Why would he ever want another one?
But now Nessa was starting to look at things differently. She had gone to see Damion, considering he was the closest thing to a doctor that it was safe for Nessa to see. He wasn't the most sensitive doctor in the world, but he was probably more accurate than any normal doctor that she could have gone to. He told her that there was nothing wrong with her body that caused the miscarriage, and that it was just a fluke accident. He also told her that it was safe for her to try to get pregnant again, if she wished to. Nessa didn't know how Hayden would feel about the idea, but she wanted to try again. She wanted it more than anything she had ever wanted in her life up to that point.
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Brianna
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Post by Hayden Hanson on May 3, 2015 2:11:50 GMT
The miscarriage had surprisingly been really hard for Hayden. Hayden never wanted Lily and he never wanted this other child. But that changed easily. They both grew a special place in his heart. He was gonna be a dad again. There was a joy in his heart and he instantly started to build the nursery. It was a beautiful baby blue. He pretty much built everything in the room. It was so excited for him. He was gonna train him and for once he was gonna have a son, a person he'd a actually understood most of the time.
Hayden hadn't shown how much it affected him. He had a daughter to take care of and a girlfriend who needed him. He was worried about her. She was so quiet all the time and was always sad. He didn't blame her, he just let bad. He felt like there wasn't much he could actually do. He couldn't bring the baby back - well he could hut nit that particular one and maybe she didn't want to try anyway. He was determined that he shouldn't feel bad in fact every time he started to feel he got mad at himself.
He had just put Lily to bed and made his way up to their bedroom. He saw Nessa laying in bed. He made his way to the bed and laid down next to her. He kissed her cheek. He could at least try to make her feel a little better. It didn't seem like it'd do much but maybe it would. "Ready for bed?" Hayden asked softly.
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Alyssa
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Jun 23, 2015 19:32:54 GMT
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Post by Vanessa Ray on May 3, 2015 2:48:32 GMT
Nessa had been lying in bed all day, doing absolutely nothing but thinking to herself. Somehow she blamed herself for the baby's death. It didn't make any sense, but the baby had died inside her. It was her body that failed. She was the reason that the baby never got to see the light of day. To Nessa, that's what had happened, and no one was going to make her think otherwise. When Hayden came in, Nessa tensed up. Things between the two of them hadn't been the same since the miscarriage, but she tried not to be too distant from him. He was the only person that she had opened up to about what she was feeling, but even then she didn't say much. But now wasn't one of the times that she was going to open up. Taking a deep breath, Nessa willed herself to stand up and get out of bed, but only because she knew that she couldn't go to sleep without going to the bathroom first. She walked out of the room without a word, barely acknowledging that Hayden was even there. As she walked down the dark hallway, she only looked up when she noticed the moon shining through the window in the room that would have been her son's nursery. The door to the room hadn't been opened every time she had walked past it for a while, and Nessa hadn't seen it since before the miscarriage. In that moment, it was as if the room was drawing her in, and she couldn't resist it. Tears rolled down her face silently as she looked around the room, but she couldn't bring herself to leave.
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Brianna
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Post by Hayden Hanson on May 3, 2015 3:01:16 GMT
She always left. Barely even talked to him anymore. He knew this was hard on her but really? He just wanted some time with her this was hard on him too. Still, he didn't mention it. He just decided he was being selfish and that he should help. He loved her but sometimes it didn't feel like she thought he existed anymore. He s wasn't sure what to do.
He soon realized that Nessa had been gone for awhile. He debated checking on her but gave her a few more minuets. Where could be possibly be other than the bathroom? Suddenly the thoughts flooded through him and he was quick to stand up.
He walked toward the bathroom when he noticed something. The nursery was wide open. The nursery was never left open. No one in the house wanted to open it. Maybe Lily opened it. She probably didn't know which room she was opening. Taht had to be the reason because no one else would walk in this room. It was way too hard to walk in the room. Emotions always surrounded him when he looked in there. He had been there a few times.
He was even more shocked to see Nessa in there. "Nessa?" Hayden called out. He walked in more. He had never seen her in here. It was obviously too hard. He debated getting rid of the stuff in here. The fun tire just gave him really bad nostalgia.
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Alyssa
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Jun 23, 2015 19:32:54 GMT
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Post by Vanessa Ray on May 3, 2015 3:12:08 GMT
Nessa barely heard Hayden's voice, but eventually she turned around to look at him. "Why is this still here?" she asked him. She wasn't angry at him, though. It was more of a sad question. It had been months and they still had a nursery as if they were waiting on a child. It seemed silly. But Nessa didn't want to be the one to take the room apart either, so she already knew the answer to her question before she asked it. But to her it seemed as if Hayden didn't care about losing the baby at all, so why would he think twice about taking it all apart?
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Brianna
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Post by Hayden Hanson on May 3, 2015 3:18:58 GMT
Hayden didn't know what to say at first. He knew he should've taken it down but he couldn't bring himself to. "I didn't want to," He admitted. He pursed his lips unsure where this topic was going. They hadn't really talked about the baby. Neither of them wanted to. It made sense though. They were both shut it out type people. They didn't like talking about their feelings. He was shocked that Nessa was even showing her feelings.
Hayden probably didn't show his because the kind of childhood he had. He wasn't allowed to show emotion as a child. If he did then he would get in lots of trouble. He was a quick learner, unlike Hunter who always got in trouble for having a little too much emotion for his father's liking.
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Alyssa
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Jun 23, 2015 19:32:54 GMT
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Post by Vanessa Ray on May 3, 2015 3:31:20 GMT
Nessa wiped at her face, realizing that she was crying in front of another person. Even if it was Hayden, she hated crying in front of people. She was raised to be emotionless. Emotions were meant to be felt on her own time, if at all. Nessa had grown out of almost all of the things she was raised to believe, but that was a habit she had yet to break. "Why not?" she asked him, but inside she already knew the answer to that question too. But she refused to admit that Hayden could be feeling just as bad as she was because she was in a state of self-pity that wouldn't go away. "You never wanted the baby anyways," she said, this time more quietly and with a hint of anger. Nessa wasn't really angry, but her feelings were coming out sideways.
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Brianna
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Post by Hayden Hanson on May 3, 2015 3:39:33 GMT
Hayden shrugged at Nessa. "You didn't want him either," Hayden said quietly. He didn't mean to upset her but if he did it was just because hhe was being honest. He loved that child. He was counting down the days until he got to meet him. Now it wasn't going to happen. He wasn't ready to let that ggo. Part of him was still in denial that they even lost the baby.
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Alyssa
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Jun 23, 2015 19:32:54 GMT
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Post by Vanessa Ray on May 3, 2015 4:01:02 GMT
Nessa's eyebrows furrowed. "What are you talking about?" she said. She could barely remember a time when she didn't want the baby. "I loved him. Why would you ever say I didn't want him?" The tears were back now, and Nessa couldn't stop them from spilling over her quivering eyelids. She felt like Hayden didn't understand what she was going through at all. No one did. She was all alone.
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Brianna
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Post by Hayden Hanson on May 3, 2015 11:36:28 GMT
"Because when you found out you never wanted a baby and I never wanted another one," Hayden said. He didn't get what Nessa was actually freaking out about. Did she really believe that he didn't care? That baby was part of his whole life. He wasn't even born yet. He was gonna be Lily's younger brother and now he's gone.
"If you really think I didn't Care about that baby during the pregnancy you're wrong," Hayden said. He didn't mean to be such an asshole but it's true. That wasn't something you joked about. Well more like you didn't mess with it when Hayden really cared about something. There's not much Hayden cared about. There was Hunter, Lily, Nessa and the baby. That was it and now one of those people were dead. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone thinking he didn't love that child.
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