Hosie
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Post by Xavier Williams on Nov 6, 2014 19:53:22 GMT
Home.
it was almost a foreign concept to Xavier.
He'd been on a long 'holiday' recently (alright, so maybe it was closer to a family crisis that he had to attend). He'd had to suddenly drop everything and leave, and that was something he knew he'd have to find a way to explain that to people. Hell, he'd even avoided Nathaniel for a bit, knowing that there wasn't that much he could do to explain, but also knowing that Nathaniel was probably pissed at him for it for just getting up and leaving. He'd fix it though, but first he just needed to get home and recover. Travelling always exhausted him and, even if he'd rather not, he was fairly sure he'd have to return to his ghost of a house in District Three.
Fumbling with his keys, he wearily pushed the door to his house open, unsurprised to find the house was empty, parents still away to deal with all the mess that had been created recently. They wouldn't be home for weeks, and the house seemed almost empty with only one person in it. 'It can't be helped' he reminded himself, dropping the suitcase to the ground and dropping to the ground, back leaning against the wall as he pulled his knees up to his chest. He had no idea what was going on, or why he suddenly felt the way he did, but he suddenly felt so alone in a big, empty house. How long he planned to sit there, he didn't know, but the thought of moving hadn't even entered his mind yet.
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Brianna
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Post by Nathaniel Young on Nov 6, 2014 20:09:54 GMT
Nathaniel didn't know what was wrong with his life. Parents were out searching for him, Roman was no where, Flax was dead ad the only person to help him through this was gone. Nathaniel remembered waking up to an empty house and did the same thing as always. Cook, do odd end jobs, come home, cry, nap, eat, sleep. It was the same thing every day. Nothing seemed to change except maybe he'd skip eating and would just sleep all day because he couldn't be bothered to get up to go do anything. He couldn't help but think to himself if there was anyone left to care.
He had no idea what led him to go see Xavier. Xavier had ignored him and barely even talked to him. Maybe Nathaniel just had false hope that everything would be okay. He got there and hesitated. What if Xavier was there? What If Xavier slammed the door in his face. He was terrified about what Xavier would do.
He couldn't even work up the courage to knock. He stood outside for a good five minuets which consisted of Jhm pacing and occasionally walking down the stairs only to walk back up. He began planning what he'd say in his head and then would decide it sounded to stupid. Eventually Nathaniel decided what the hell and raised his shaky hand up to Xavier's door and knocked.
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Hosie
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Post by Xavier Williams on Nov 6, 2014 20:39:29 GMT
Was that a knock? Xavier couldn't tell. He couldn't quite tell why anyone would bother to knock, it's not like anyone had been home. Maybe someone had noticed he'd come home, or maybe the cat had disappeared and some poor neighbor had managed to find the thing in their basement, or somewhere equally ridiculous. Honestly, he wasn't even sure how long he'd been sat on the floor, staring at the wall opposite him as if it'd fix everything. It didn't. Shocker, right? And now he had to get up and answer the door, but to who? Who the hell even knew the Williams' still lived here? It'd certainly been long enough for people to assume they'd just left, but it's not like there was anything he could do about it.
Pulling himself up, he made his way over to the door, pausing for a minute before finally opening the door, admittedly a little taken aback to find Nathaniel stood there, not that he wasn't happy about it. If anything, he couldn't be happier; he'd assumed Nathaniel probably hated him by now. He'd never blanked him for so long before. Wordlessly, he hung on the door handle for a minute biting his lip as he struggled to think of something to say, not knowing how to explain. Eventually, he gave up, letting go of the handle and just wrapping Nathaniel in a hug, squeezing him tightly.
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Brianna
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Post by Nathaniel Young on Nov 6, 2014 20:46:16 GMT
Nathaniel was a little taken back by the hug but continued to hug Xavier because he missed Xavier's hugs. He don't want to hug he wanted to scream at him ask him why he left him. He wanted to know why everyone decide to leave him or why nobody seemed to care about him. Nathaniel tried making the hug last as long as possible. He wa afraid to admit he missed hugging. He missed being hugged even though he was rarely hugged as a child.
He finally let go. His words failed him but the tears streamed down his face an she didn't even try to stop them. "Y-you." Nathaniel couldn't get his words out and found himself just staring at Xavier. "You left me," Nathaniel said quietly. "You and everyone. You left m-e." Nathaniel repeated quietly. "You never bothered to call or to talk to me. You stopped caring. Why am I even here? Why was I so stupid to even bother?" Nathaniel asked himself. He backed up nearly falling down the stairs but didn't. He was tired of people leaving him. He was tired of feeling like no one cared about him.
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Hosie
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Post by Xavier Williams on Nov 6, 2014 21:00:07 GMT
It took Nathaniel all of a minute to burst out crying, and Xavier didn't blame him. He wanted to cry too, but he already knew that that wouldn't end well (both of them crying never did), and bit down on the inside of his cheek, just about managing to stop tears from stinging his eyes as he tried to figure out some kind of explanation, even though he was already positive that it didn't matter what he said or how much he aplogised, it wouldn't help. He'd practically destroyed Nathaniel, how the hell was he supposed to make up for that?
"I - uh - there was a family issue," he explained, determined that it still wasn't enough. He reached for Nathaniel's hand and pulled him inside, pushing the door shut with his foot as he squeezed his hand lightly, biting his lip as he tried his hardest to figure out what else he could say. He wasn't meant to tell anyone, but did that include Nathaniel? He didn't know. "Y'know I wouldn't leave you like that unless I had to; I didn't think about how much it'd kill you that I was gone - I'm so sorry..." He trailed off, looking down at the floor, not even trying to deny that he'd been selfish in leaving. He should've said something - he should've taken Nathaniel with him. He should've tried harder. But he didn't, and Nathaniel had practically been destroyed by it.
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Brianna
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Post by Nathaniel Young on Nov 6, 2014 21:05:22 GMT
"You didn't tell me anything. You just left me with no explanation." Nathaniel said quietly. He ran his hands through his hair nervously. "Why would you do that? I thought you loved me." Nathaniel said even quieter trying to make himself stop crying. He looked at Xavier his gaze finally meeting his. "You were upset because I went out one night without telling you where I was going and didn't come back...and you leave for what? A month? Two?" Nathaniel asked a nervous laugh bubbling off if his lips. "And you expected me to just go on with my life like you weren't there?" Nathaniel asked.
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Hosie
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Post by Xavier Williams on Nov 6, 2014 21:29:07 GMT
"I just didn't think, I'm so sorry," Xavier whispered, not quite sure how many times he could apologize before everything was okay again. He'd have to do it a million times, probably, and he'd still feel guilty after that. He wasn't even sure what he felt worse about - leaving Nathaniel, ignoring Nathaniel, or maybe even the fact that he hadn't tried harder to fix it when he got back. He'd literally spent the time since he was home staring at a wall, and what good did that do? He should've been trying to fix things, make them better so Nathaniel didn't have to feel like this. But why did he feel like this? At least some of it was Xavier's fault, wasn't it? "I do love you. I will always love you. But, I couldn't tell you; family got in the way." There was a pause, and Xavier let a shaky breath escape his lips, still trying his hardest not to cry. "I fucked up, and I was selfish, and I'm sorry..."
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Brianna
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Post by Nathaniel Young on Nov 6, 2014 21:32:39 GMT
"Why didn't you yell me?" Nathaniel said more years coming out now. "I thought you didn't care and part of me thought you were dead," Nathaniel whispered the last word and instantly thought of Flax. He wanted to hug Xavier he wanted to bury his head in his shoulder and cry. He Almost did do but then decided he was supposed to be mad at Xavier which he was going to be even if he didn't want to be.
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Hosie
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Post by Xavier Williams on Nov 6, 2014 21:44:43 GMT
"Because my family lose their shit if you ever tell anyone anything - their reputation means more to them than anything else..." He trailed off, practically stumbling over his words as he tried to figure out exactly how to fix this, if he even could. All Xavier wanted was to pull him into a hug and kiss his head and tell him everything would be okay, but Nathaniel wasn't about to let him do that. He was a mess of upset and angry, and Xavier had no idea how to fix it. "I would never leave you if I didn't have to." There was another pause, as Xavier physically couldn't stop himself from letting a tear slip down his cheek for the first time since the conversation started. He'd always been shit at confrontation, and the fact it was Nathaniel he was arguing with made it a thousand times worse. "You know I wouldn't have left if I could, that's not me."
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Brianna
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Post by Nathaniel Young on Nov 6, 2014 22:19:40 GMT
Nathaniel couldn't help himself but wrap his arms around Xavier he wanted nothing more than to hug him. He buried his head in the crook of his neck. And he started to cry even more he wanted to stop he hated crying. He really hated crying he wanted to stop but couldn't figure out how. "I-I missed you," Nathaniel said quietly. He didn't know what else to say. He had to say something else but didn't have any idea on what to say.
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Hosie
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Post by Xavier Williams on Nov 6, 2014 23:34:51 GMT
"I've missed you too," Xavier breathed, automatically reaching out to return Nathaniel's hug, one hand running gently through his hair as the other pulled him close, pressing a light kiss against the top of his forehead. He didn't say anything else for a while, honestly just cherishing the moment for all that it was. Nathaniel had forgiven him (for now), which meant that everything was a little less shit than they'd seemed when he'd woken up this morning, right? He wasn't alone. He never would be alone, because he had Nathaniel, just like Nathaniel had him, and always would do. Finally, after what still wasn't enough time to remember all the little things he loved about Nathaniel, from the way he smelled to how he always nestled his head in Xavier's shoulder, he finally spoke up again, his voice a soft whisper as he did his best not to let it crack, "these past few months have been hell without you, y'know."
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Brianna
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Post by Nathaniel Young on Nov 7, 2014 1:37:20 GMT
Nathaniel hugged Xavier tighter. "I'm just gla you're back." Nathaniel said quietly. He didn't bother lifting his head, he didn't want to move. He didn't want to tell Xavier all that wa wrong because it was too much. Nathaniel sighed quietly. "I love you." He said quietly b
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Hosie
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Post by Xavier Williams on Nov 7, 2014 11:12:08 GMT
"I love you too," Xavier whispered in reply, gently running his fingers through Nathaniel's hair for a moment, not sure exactly how long they were going to stand there but not really caring either way. It was nice just to be here with Nathaniel, even if they were still just stood in the hallway, Xavier's stuff still waiting by the door to be put away. The whole place seemed a little warmer when Nathaniel was there and, even if Xavier hadn't realised it yet, simply being with Nathaniel made the world seem a little less lonely. Finally pulling out of the hug, Xavier flashed Nathaniel a warm smile before asking, "so how've you been?" Knowing Nathaniel, the question was just going to end in more crying, but Xavier didn't mind - he just wanted to help.
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Brianna
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Post by Nathaniel Young on Nov 7, 2014 11:37:37 GMT
"Shit." Nathaniel said crossing his arms. He didn't bother to talk about it brought of him just felt like Xavier wouldn't care and the other part was still in the mind set that he was living with his dad even though he wasn't. Nathaniel met his gaze with Xavier. "You?" Nathaniel asked. He smiled a soft smile even though he still felt like crying just felt like he shouldn't so he didn't.
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Hosie
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Post by Xavier Williams on Nov 10, 2014 1:36:48 GMT
"You know me" Xavier replied, flashing a small smile, even if it was a little forced, "there's nothing I can't handle." Glancing down at the floor for a minute, Xavier paused to think, knowing that there were so many things that he should explain to Nathaniel but not quite knowing how, given that his parents would kill him if they knew he knew. Besides, Nathaniel had his own problems, right? Xavier didn't want to give the guy anything else to worry about. "Why was it shit? You miss me too much?" he joked, although the question was a serious one. If he could help Nathaniel in any way, he already knew he would. There was nothing he wouldn't do for Nathaniel, and he was fairly sure that would never change.
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